A Cheesy Tail of Romance
by AlexHamato
Summary: Crack Fiction that well most likely turn your brain to mush and cause you to lose whatever sanity you may hold on too. If you are already mentally disturbed and insane than go on and read. I was in an odd mood the day I thought of this...


Thanks to kikiyophoenix19 for giving me the Title name! You're amazing! And yes this is a crack fic that was born on the forums of Stealthy Stories... So here is a Romance that shouldn't be! It's my first crack fic so don't hold back! I can take it... after I watched certain videos mentioned below I can take anything... I hope you enjoy!... but probably not!

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~A Cheesy Tail of Romance~

"Sensei, we're going out!" Leonardo called brightly on his way out the door.

"Don't touch the stove again Sensei! I don't want you to burn off your whiskers again!" Donatello warned his father as he too followed his brother.

"See ya, Sensei." Raphael waved and slapped his brother Michelangelo over the head, just because.

"Ow! Goodbye Sensei! Did you want anything while we're out?"

Splinter's ears pricked up as a yellow, mouthwatering morsel was pictured in his mind,

"Please bring home some cheese my son. It's good for the teeth."

"OK, Sensei!"

The door slammed behind them signaling that they have finally left. Splinter sighed with relief and stood up from the living room couch. He made his away across the Lair with a slight bounce in his step. Opening the door into his room he called softly inside,

"They are gone my love. We now have time to ourselves."

"About time. Leonardo always did take his time with things, but because of this I have found you, _my love_."

* * *

"Do you think Sensei would like Swiss or Pepperjack more?" Mikey asked as he held up the two types of cheese right in front of Donnie's face.

"You should get the Swiss, Pepperjack gives him gas."

Mikey made a disgusted face as memories of his gassy father filled his mind, and senses.

"Good idea. Swiss it is."

There was a crash and boxes of products fell down from Wal-Mart's shelves and Raph yelled something obscene.

"Raphael!" Leo scolded his brother, "You're going to get us kicked out!"

"We're _big mutant turtles_ I don' t'ink tha' anyone _wan's_ us here!" Raph angsted.

"Well actually I programmed a brain wave modifier ray in this store." Said Don.

"What's that do?" Mikey asked dumbly, he never knew anything.

"It let's us walk around in broad daylight without being shot at."

"Cool."

"We should go ta tha' movie The Expendables, it looks badass." Said Raph.

"Dude! That movie has Jet Li!" Mikey squealed with delight.

"Screw Li, Stallone is in it!" Raph argued, because he always fought everyone.

"Ew, Stallones's too veiny." Don flicked a hand girlishly because since he wore purple he has to be more feminine than his other brothers.

"Everyone here is forgetting Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's the greatest."

"He had like a five second screen time!" Raph argued.

"Ya, five seconds of greatness!" Leo bantered; he always had to contradict everything Raph said.

"I wanna give Splinter his cheese! Donnie can just hack into something and steal the movie." Mikey whined as his stomach rumbled and all of this cheese made him want to make a pizza.

"Ok." Leo, Raph, Don, and Mikey left Wal-Mart and went home.

* * *

They crept through the door into the lair to add drama and suspense to the plot. Together, the headed towards Splinter's door and paused outside to listen to the conversation on the other side,

"Do you think I'm a bad girl?" The turtles gasped at the familiar female voice that came through the door.

"Yes, and I do believe that you need to be punished."

A loud smack rang through the air and the turtles ripped open the door to save their father from one of their mortal enemies.

"Master… MY EYES!" Leonardo screamed at the unholy scene before him.

"WHY!" Don cried up to the sky dramatically. Raph took out his Sai and tried to impale himself with it while Mikey just collapsed sobbing wildly.

Karai rolled off Splinter and straightened her revealing yellow outfit. Raphael paused in mid-thrust of his Sai and raised an eyeridge at her appearance incredulously.

"Wha' the hell is up wit' tha' outfit?"

"It's cheese. Obviously. Your father has a cheese fetish that I must oblige."

Don stared down fearfully at the two times of cheese that he held in his shaking hands,

"So the cheese if for…"

"Use your imagination. You're the _smart_ one right?" Karai scoffed as Don dropped the cheese and backed away into a nearby corner and rocked himself crying silently.

"YOU DESICRATED MY FATHER YOU MONSTER!" Leonardo suddenly screamed, pointing a very dramatic finger at Karai in her sexy cheese costume.

"Oh please, it was your fault for refusing to wear the Shredder outfit. This could be _you_." Karai rolled her eyes and gave Splinter some cheese, which he nibbled on.

"I don't want to be a part of your insane fetish of your father! That's unhealthy!"

Raph dropped his Said and threw up his hands, "Ferget suicide, I'm gonna go get wasted." So he left to find the nearest bar to drown the scarring images of his Father with his mortal enemy in some booze.

"I will avenge my father's honor by slaying you Karai!" Leonardo swore as he grabbed his sword and pointed it at her with more dramatics.

"I forbid it Leonardo! You must not forget, she's the CreamyCheesyCake of my eye!"

"What about me!" Leo cried angstilly.

"You never dressed up as cheese for me, my son."

Leonardo broke into tears and ran out of the room sobbing wildly since his father will never love him the same way he loves the girl-he-thought-he-loved-but-she-really-was-his-mortal-enemy-so-he-couldn't-be with-her-so-now-he-was-thinking-dirty-thoughts-about-family-members-since-he-couldn't-get-laid.

The entire time Mikey and Don have been sobbing in the background since the author doesn't know what else to do with them. Splinter decides to get this plot moving so he yells at his kids,

"Get out so that I can cream my CheesyCake!"

Both turtles ran out sobbing and screaming wildly and Karai leans up against Splinter and strokes his fur.

"Make sure you cream me real good, Shreddy-poo."

The bedroom door closed by itself and obscene sounds indescribable filled the lair to torment the already overly scarred mutant teenagers.

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A/N- If you are still debating about my sanity than let it be known that yes I am insane. After writing this I watched 2 Girls and 1 Cup along with Spankwire... I didn't even flinch... if you are not aware of the videos... DON'T WATCH THEM, unless you're like me and have already lost your sanity long long ago... So now that I'm certain that although this fic is disturbing... it's NOTHING compared to those videos!


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